I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
