turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
