Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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