I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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