Your mouth is God's brothel.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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