My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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