I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
