just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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