the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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