Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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