You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
