A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
