The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
