I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
