The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
