My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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