It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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