I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
how drunk are you?
Several
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
