its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
