I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
