I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize