a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
