I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
