Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
