Too much gin, very little bucket
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
