Sponge bath it is.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
