dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
