I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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