You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
