Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
