if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
