By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
