it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
