Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
