i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Drunk is a universal language darling
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
