My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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