dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
