"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
