I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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