a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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