Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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