if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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