P.S. I can't hear my feet
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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