I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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