also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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