Have you finally orgasmed yet?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
