I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
