I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
