do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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