Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
