I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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