I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
