you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
