wat bout pragnant strippers??
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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