i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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