dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
