Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize