i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You ruined the universe
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
