There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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