I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
