she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize