thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
