the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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