I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
