Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
