I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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