I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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