dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
