brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
