Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
