dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
