once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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