My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize