can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
