My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Randomize
