...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize