He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
