is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
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