i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
