You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
