That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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