New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
