Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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