Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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