wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
