Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
