Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
