imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
