dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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