Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
