I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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