If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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