singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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