My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
