he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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