After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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